The Daily Fail

iPhone facebook fail

2009-11-25T09:17:00.001-08:00

You're doing it wrong

2008-12-22T16:10:00.001-08:00

Oooh, scary

30 billion teevees

2008-11-04T03:45:00.000-08:00

[source at ITWeb]

Television viewers of the 2010 Soccer World Cup are expected to outnumber physical spectators by a ratio of 1:10 000

multiplied by

three million visitors

= 30 BILLION epic fails.

[Usual caveats apply: visitors vs spectators, etc]

Nothing new under teh sunz

2008-10-21T06:17:00.000-07:00

OMCC [Oh My Ceiling Cat!]

Kitteh can not sez "OMFGZ sumthing new!" is jus REPOST!

Let there be light

2008-09-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

[thanks jwz]

Political prisoners

2008-06-14T02:55:00.000-07:00

[from The Seattle Times's Politics & Government column]

"What's lost by embracing a tyrant who puts his people in prison because of their political beliefs?" Bush said in reference to Castro. "What's lost is it will send the wrong message. It will send a discouraging message to those who wonder whether America will continue to work for the freedom of prisoners."

So it's the fault of the Cubans that those poor 'political prisoners' are being held in the Guantanamo Bay detention camp?

DNS fail

2008-06-14T01:22:00.000-07:00

I saw this host in a traceroute and had to be sure:

> server jupiter.is.co.za
Default server: jupiter.is.co.za
[snip]

> set type=ptr
> 218.115.209.168.in-addr.arpa
[snip]

218.115.209.168.in-addr.arpa name = mail.amorphous.net.

> set type=a
> mail.amorphous.net
[snip]

Name: mail.amorphous.net
Address: 196.211.13.115

168.209.115.218 != 196.211.13.115

It looks like Internet Solutions forgot some old reverse DNS records when updating things, and re-used the address for infrastructure.

Slashfail

2008-06-12T01:40:00.000-07:00

This is from a lengthy discussion about Roland Piquepaille and his huge number of accepted Slashdot posts. In a /. retrospective/homage, we present:

Re:Good Grief! (Score:5, Funny)

by Frosty Piss (770223) on Wednesday June 11, @04:42AM (#23744179)

I for one welcome our new Roland Overlord. May he pour hit grits down Natalie Portman's shorts, I'll take a Beowulf cluster of that! I'll bet in Soviet Russia they can't even get Roland. But one thing is for sure, he does run Linux. And all these stories of his on Slashdot almost certainly result in Profit!

out of ones reach

2008-06-02T03:35:00.001-07:00

OGC logo fail

2008-05-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

from jack yan's blog:

The Ofﬁce of Government Commerce, part of HM Treasury in the UK, unveiled its new logo, which cost British taxpayers £14,000. And it didn’t take long after the unveiling for employees to see the problem:

FAIL.

Fail maths fail

2008-05-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

D'oh!

2008-04-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

Not Play-D'oh! but the real thing:

The competition

2008-04-06T23:32:00.000-07:00

Our competitors ;)

Karaoke

2008-03-31T06:02:00.000-07:00

[from the new, awesome PunditKitchen]

Don't you wish all choices were this easy?

2008-02-06T23:19:00.000-08:00

[from wizbang via ivo]
[and I'm not posting this just because someone named 'al' won the caption-competition...]

Another UCT water feature

2008-02-05T15:39:00.000-08:00

Apparently UCT can stop making [unintentional] water features anytime they like. It's not like someone's addicted...

Shackles + capsizing = FAIL

2008-02-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

No Robben Island boat trip is complete without, apparently, being shackled like a slave [Cape Times article for subscribers only - boo hiss!].

Let's hope the ferries don't leak.

Otherwise, we can expect a repeat of the failboat incident.

*Yes yes, they have said that the passengers won't be shackled to the boat itself, but how many people do you know that can swim with shackles on?

Re-en-try

2008-02-04T05:50:00.000-08:00

If at first you don't succeed, malapropisms may ~~not~~ be for you:

In Parliament on Wednesday, Erwin warned that load-shedding was designed to prevent a catastrophe.

"We cannot envisage [sic] any possibility of the system going down. This is absolutely critical."

[SAPA, via the Sunday Independent]

Now this is oxymoronic, to say the least. Obviously he could envisage the "possbility of the system going down" - otherwise how would he know he had to prevent something?

Perhaps Mr Erwin was so busy being entertained by his fellow Parliamentarians to properly entertain the notion that he might need to use a different, less incorrect, word. I'll leave you to guess which one. How entertaining this whole post has been.

Epoch Fail

2008-02-04T05:19:00.000-08:00

Thank you xkcd, for coming to the fail-party...

That bracing sea air

2008-02-03T01:25:00.001-08:00

It's common practice in humid areas (especially seaside areas) to put something in the salt shaker that will simultaneously act as a dessicant and not be dispensed (i.e. be to big to fit through the holes). This is often rice or (in funkier places) pasta.

But isn't this just a tad too much rice? How much salt could possibly be in this thing?

Fire and water

2007-12-11T09:54:00.000-08:00

All aboard the failboat

2007-12-04T03:48:00.000-08:00

Reminds me of the skeleton coast.

Epic-sode V

2007-11-27T04:08:00.000-08:00

Mmmm, AT-AT

Religious control

2007-11-23T00:50:00.000-08:00

[ via ]

Exams failure

2007-11-20T23:42:00.000-08:00

Not failing at an exam itself, but more a sort of meta-failure:

IVR system for exam results abandoned by Comp Sci, taken over by systems. Reclaimed by CS, systems resisting reclamation. Need to get a number to registrar ASAP and inform CS they should get over it. Sorting out hand off of old CS number to IT service.

Thank you Rhodes Uni's IT lists...

CTHULHU FHTAGN CHEEZBURGER

2007-11-18T01:22:00.000-08:00

Tired of cutesy image macros?

Voila! LOLTHULHU

I IS CAN BE CTHULHU NOW PLZ?

Wait! Come back!

2007-11-16T08:43:00.000-08:00

The largest [and fastest?] re-boot

2007-11-16T00:25:00.000-08:00

[ The Register calls it Reno 911 ]

Reno 911: World's largest reboot underway

The sound of 10,000 OSes clapping

By Ashlee Vance in Reno

Published Tuesday 13th November 2007 22:03 GMT

You were up all night writing those last lines of code to ensure mega-demonstration success. And this code is a real pain in the ass to deal with because it has to spread across a 72-processor cluster. But, with a bit of perseverance, you nail it, pop open a beer and wait for the glories to follow when show attendees see your genius on the conference floor.

Cut to the actual demo, and you're screwed to all hell when the power goes out.

Yes, Supercomputing 07 went through what could be the world's largest, collective reboot of all time. At about noon today, the immense amount of hardware here in Reno killed the power system and then killed it again a few seconds later. Lights went out. The machines stopped humming. And a few claps scattered throughout the crowd - a machismo kind of thing no doubt: my cluster is too big for your power station.

As the power returned, machines of all shapes and sizes rebooted. There were Windows log-in screens everywhere. Versions of Linux going through their routines. There were also the frantic types pulling off their chassis casings when their systems failed to come back to life.

Er, this was a kick ass protein folding demo

Every year, the machines present at Supercomputing combine to form the equivalent of one of the world's largest machines. Some of the machines here make an HP Superdome look like a tinkertoy.

Breath deep. It'll all be okay

Sanity seemed to hold though as these folks temporarily lost their precious machines, which as an encouraging sign. Now, the electricity collapse can be enjoyed as a point of pride. ®

Update:

As we understand it, the power outage occurred after some renegade plugged in a four-socket Itanium server using the new Montvale chips. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

goatse.gov?

2007-11-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

Seriously now?

a 'bit' too much to the left

2007-11-12T02:33:00.000-08:00

Bruce Schneier

2007-11-09T03:32:00.000-08:00

[ in the Chuck Norris Facts vein ]

Bruce Schneier's online purchases are so secure, his shopping cart is an M-1 tank.

The only fully secure symmetric cryptosystem is Bruce Schneier looking in a mirror.

There is no secure e-commerce - only stuff Bruce Schneier doesn't want.

and the best one:
When Curtis Cooper and Steven Boone discovered the 44th Mersenne prime, Bruce Schneier had to change the combination on his luggage.

Lost car

2007-11-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

Luckily if this happens here in South Africa you'd be spared this embarrassment, because your car would really have been stolen.

Australian bars are the best

2007-11-07T11:46:00.000-08:00

[ thanks Reuters - ~~Australian~~ Ausphalian bars rock ]

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian barmaid has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples, police said Wednesday.

Police in Western Australia said the 31-year old barmaid pleaded guilty in the local magistrate's court to twice exposing her breasts to patrons at the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra, south of the state capital, Perth.

The woman "is alleged to have also crushed beer cans between her breasts during one of the offences," in breach of hotel licensing laws, police from the Peel district of Western Australia said in a statement.

The barmaid and the hotel manager were both fined A$1,000 ($900), while an off-duty barmaid was fined A$500 for helping to hang spoons from the woman's nipples, police said.

"It sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behavior in our licensed premises," local police superintendent David Parkinson said.

concentration is key

2007-11-02T12:05:00.001-07:00

warning: pg-13

failed programming

2007-11-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

see if you can spot it.

art of making burgers

2007-11-02T06:47:00.001-07:00

Securifail

2007-11-02T04:43:00.000-07:00

Well intentioned security? Were they trying to watch the watchers?

Heavy Machinery Acrobatics

2007-11-02T03:04:00.000-07:00

[ Heavy Machinery Acrobatics - thanks Dark Roasted Blend ]

Killing with kindness

2007-10-31T04:19:00.000-07:00

Anorexia is for pussies...

Pandora's box - part 2

2007-10-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

It seems that the picture of The Shuttleworth Lab's secure electrical distribution board was not informative enough for some people.

So here's another one, with the clasp open, the door open, and a better vantage point:

Mmmmm, secure!

Stooooop!

2007-10-30T01:09:00.000-07:00

[ thanks rrrccc ]

Watch for mountain sheep

2007-10-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

Pandora's box

2007-10-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

In The Shuttleworth Lab, you can never be too careful about those pesky students...

It's a good thing that someone managed to secure the distribution board by locking the corner shut against itself. Imagine what might happen if someone could open it.

Microsoft

2007-10-25T05:13:00.001-07:00

Found this little joke in a forum, thought I'd share it

There was once a young man who desired to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff the whole world will read and react to emotionally, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Howto Fail

2007-10-25T03:58:00.000-07:00

[ Thank you haha.nu, and colleghumor.com ]

His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:

Dear Michael,

Every year I attempt to boost my students' final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.

There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It's as if you didn't look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!

May God have mercy on your soul.

Sincerely,
Professor William Turner

P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C

Disbarred US lawyer given top legal job at UCT

2007-10-25T03:41:00.000-07:00

[thanks politicsweb.co.za and Adrian]

A senior official with legal responsibilities at the University of Cape Town had been suspended from the practice of law in the United States for eighteen months before taking up his job at the university. Dr Paul Ngobeni took up the position of deputy registrar (legal services and secretariat) at UCT in September this year. He was suspended from legal practice in Connecticut in late 2005, and continues to face a series of misconduct and criminal charges in that state.

A tragic accident

2007-10-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

BOFH: A tragic accident

Workplace safety just ain't what it used to be

By Simon Travaglia → More by this author

Published Friday 12th October 2007 11:02 GMT

Episode 35

It's an exceptionally quiet morning at Mission Control and the PFY and I are killing time by rifling through the director's PA's drawers to see if she left anything good behind when she departed the company.

"Ah... excuse me?" a voice asks haltingly from behind the partition.

"Yep?" the PFY asks, always willing to help out.

"I'm looking for the manager of systems and networks?"

"Ah, well, unfortunately he's gone."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"He'll never be back - he's gone," the PFY responds.

"What my assistant is trying to say is that he has left the company following a workplace accident," I add.

"Really? What happened?"

"He unfortunately fell into the path of an oncoming cab."

"What?! When was this?"

"Last friday lunchtime," the PFY says gazing into the distance thoughtfully. "I remember because it was the deadline he'd given us to install some patches on our system. It didn't happen and he came to the pub to find out why and get us back onto the job. On exiting the pub I observed a cab, black in colour, coming down the street and that my manager appeared not to have noticed it. I reached out to grab his jacket just as he tripped into the path of the vehicle."

"Really? Was he ok?"

"A few bumps and bruises, a loss of accurate memory of events preceding the event, but apart from that he's ok – but he's decided to move on."

"I... see," the bloke says slowly. "Perhaps then I could speak with his immediate superior?"

"And there's a funny thing," I say. "The IT director, returning to the office that same afternoon, heard of the boss' misfortune and grasped the wrong end of the stick and presumed that the injury may not have been accidental in nature. He immediately sought me out in the stairwell on the floor above preparing to move a trolleyload of boxes of old lineflow paper. As he entered the stairwell below me I realised that (a) I hadn't needed to bring the paper up to that floor to dispose of it in the first place and (b) the lift would be a better way to get it to the basement. In executing a 180 degree turn one of the boxes of paper slipped from the top of the trolley and fell onto the director."

"Oh. How about your helpdesk supervisor?"

"Again, a workplace tragedy. He'd asked us to ensure that all our calls were passed through the helpdesk system so that they could be logged in his database - and in order to do this had our DDI numbers redirected by a telco contractor without our knowledge. My assistant here went to speak to him about how we could facilitate the return of the DDI numbers and accidentally knocked a desk lamp into the fish tank at the exact moment that he happened to be cleaning it..."

"Someone – anyone - FROM the helpdesk?"

"Gone also - but nothing to do with us. They're all on sick leave after ordering a dodgy pizza from the place across town that has a web ordering service and free delivery. Apparently there was some glitch in the webform which resulted in the words 'powdered glass' being entered into the freeform text box under 'additional toppings'. Ordinarily this would have not been a problem as they don't have this stuff on hand in the store except that the exceptionally customer-focused delivery person stopped off on the way and added it."

"That's terrible!"

"I know," the PFY says. "That someone with the dedication to go the extra mile for the customer is treated so shabbily. As luck would have it though, once we heard of his availability we were able to offer him a position in our helpdesk starting next week. And wouldn't you know it – he's just finished a degree in IT!'

"I... see. So is there anyone I can talk to? Your security consultant?"

"Cycling accident."

"Business analysts?"

"They got trapped in a lift over a bank holiday weekend with no water supply. Not pretty, as I'm sure you can imagine. Of course they're both nuttier than monkey crap now and have an extended stay in the dribbling academy..."

...a few minutes later...

"So there's no one?"

"Just us," the PFY says.

Sigh. Okay, well I'm here to audit the IT portion of your business process for the company's annual business stability rating."

"Which means?"

"Well I'll just need to verify that you're following best practice in change controls, security management, access control, logging, and suchlike. So I'll need to see all supporting documents so that I can check them for completeness."

"Oh right," the PFY gasps cheerfully, having noted my surreptitious nod. "We keep them in a fireproof safe."

"Excellent – if you could just show me to them..."

"Sure, sure, they're upstairs – on the roof."

"The roof?!"

"Yeah they wanted to bolt the safe to some structural element of the building and the only accessible pieces are where the roof meets the outside walls of the building..."

...Two minutes later...

"There's been a terrible accident!" the PFY gasps, staggering into Mission Control.

"Yes, I thought there might be..." I say, kicking the auditor's briefcase under the PFY's desk to join the others we've collected over the years.

wmv player == null

2007-10-23T06:42:00.001-07:00

it seems that microsoft is trying something different and is no longer recommending their own media player (or any player for that matter) for wmv files. and before you say that the site needs to be run on ie... it did not work there either.

Yoda vs Dr Seuss

2007-10-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

[some thanks due to Mark Parisi, and consider this fair use...bonus fail to Mark]

Click for the comic

A Times Square Pedestrian Is Giving No Ground

2007-10-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

[ thank you NYTimes ]

ALBANY, Oct. 17 — Millions of people have paused to stand amid the hustle, bustle and neon of Times Square.
And sure, those who pause — to gawk, talk or eat a gyro — can slow the progress of pedestrians around them.
But when Matthew Jones of Brooklyn lingered on the corner of 42nd Street and Seventh Avenue in the early morning of June 12, 2004, gabbing with friends as other pedestrians tried to get by, something unusual happened: He was arrested for it.

The kicker to the piece is quite amusing:

The court is likely to rule on the case next month. Should it rule against Mr. Jones, the available evidence on the scene on Wednesday suggested that the police would soon have their hands full.

Just before 5 p.m., near the corner where Mr. Jones was arrested, stood the following assemblage: a man eating clams out of a Styrofoam container; two men smoking cigarettes together; a man waiting for a woman to finish a phone call; a guy looking at a map; a young woman sending a text message; two men handing out tour brochures; and a family of five, including an infant in a stroller, who stopped to look at the brochures.

Crocodile rules

2007-10-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

Whenever you visit a game park, you're always told to keep a safe distance from the animals and/or to stay in your car. I guess slightly more graphic measures are needed for these walk-through animal farms.

First man caught by hi-tech wrongly hanged

2007-10-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Dr Crippen innocent shocka

By Andrew Thomas: Wednesday, 17 October 2007, 9:22 AM

A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, a man was hanged for murder after police used new technology to nab him. Now new technology has shown that the wrong man was executed as the body found in his cellar was not that of his wife.

Dr Hawley Crippen was hanged in 1910, after an Old Bailey jury found him guilty of murdering his wife, Cora, who had vanished earlier that year.

After friends of his wife reported their fears that missing Cora had been murdered, Crippen and his mistress headed for Belgium before boarding a ship bound for Canada. They were disguised as father and son, but the ship's captain became suspicious and alerted police using the newly invented wireless telegraph.

But DNA evidence now shows that a dismembered body found at Crippen's London house was not that of his wife, reports The Manchester Grauniad.

Using a sample kept at the Royal London Hospital, American forensic scientists compared mitochondrial DNA from the remains presented at the trial with samples taken from Cora Crippen's surviving relatives.

Dr David Foran, head of forensic science programme at Michigan State University, told the Grauniad:. "That body cannot be Cora Crippen, we're certain of that."

Before he was hanged, Crippen wrote: "I am innocent and some day evidence will be found to prove it." µ

[ more ]

Bill Gates - criminal!

2007-10-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

[thank you coolest-of-all-sites The Smoking Gun!
Microsoft boss Bill Gates was photographed by the Albuquerque, New Mexico police in 1977 after a traffic violation (details of which have been lost over time).]

"Columbian Drug Money" bank payments

2007-10-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

[Thank you Jason and bash.org]

<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

the funnel

2007-10-16T00:21:00.001-07:00

catch

2007-10-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

Role reversal

2007-10-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

[thanks again macrocats]

Do not park here

2007-10-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

"The wrath of the ancients"? Perhaps those disabled old people whose parking space you just took?

doggy love

2007-10-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

would you buy one of these? who would?

Turtles all the way down

2007-10-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

[Thank you Wikipedia and Flickr]

Blog fail

2007-10-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

So Blogger had a few hiccups with image uploads from late Thursday onwards.

How meta-ironic...

Watch for Fail

2007-10-11T22:58:00.000-07:00

vii-ieeeeeee

2007-10-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

it seems that the chinese have failed to create something original and have opted to copy things instead

the point of no return

2007-10-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

a mouse trap with a twist.

We've raised the bar

2007-10-09T03:09:00.000-07:00

it's "all"sopps in the spelling

2007-10-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

seems that spelling correctly can earn you a ton of money. pity this guy didn't realise.

Sense and sensibility

2007-10-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

One phrase says it all

all the while it invigorates rhetorical frames that derange our capacity to talk sensibly

Inaugural post

2007-10-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

[the classic]